I am almost finished with my first week of full time working after being off for Thanksgiving from my primary job.  I live in The United States and this past week marks the beginning of a busy holiday season. The festivities took place last Thursday but for many the real preparations started days before. Luisa and I joined the family in town at her oldest daughter’s house for a wonderful meal and time together.

Thanksgiving was very different for me this year. In the past, I have joined family who hosted and at times, ,hosted in my home, often, up to 25 people vegans, vegetarians, and carnivores. No matter who’s hosting I usually smoke a couple of turkeys. One for our family and at least one for a local community organization. Some of you may know I took a hard hit in divorce court this past summer (a marriage that ended over a decade ago, but where there was common property, a home where I was living). I had to sell my home and move. I am currently in transition looking for my forever home and living with Luisa. Most of my things are in storage until I buy again, including my smokers. Being unable to locate them forced me to approach Thanksgiving differently than I have in about two decades. For the first time in years, I slept through Wednesday night instead of tending the smokers to make sure they stayed hot enough in the cold night air. Luisa prepared our contribution to the meal. I found myself a bit at loose ends and decided to go for walk. On the walk I got to thinking that KwanaChanuSolstiRamaYuLiWaliEidMas (the winter holiday my family celebrates, that includes all the light celebrating holidays for the season that we know and celebrate among us) will likely be quite different too. This year I will trade the decorating, setting up the tree, and dedicating a room to the holiday chaos of gifts bought and made, for gifts made in small batches, if at all. The good news is I have to wrap as I go, because space for hiding gifts unwrapped is a bit limited. It seems that life is forcing me to give myself a gift before giving to any others this season, the gift of self-care. I will still work a little more than usual (which is too much from some perspectives but usually perfect for me). This time of year, is a little busier for me as an interpreter. There are holiday concerts, Alkathons, extra church services, and company holiday parties, in addition to my regular work. To some who see my work schedule from the outside, self-care may appear fleeting for me. When I consider the positive messages, and joyful music, my work becomes work that empowers me as well as my clients and work becomes self-care too.

I am forced to be more attentive to my mental health these days when I am in transition. Peace of mind came easily when I lived in a home I manifested into being through affirmations and visualization, that had a yard and garden I loved tending. No longer able to simply look outdoors to see birds frolicking, or the feel the kiss of a wayward breeze on the hill to center me, I notice that I have to make an effort to see birds now, to enjoy a sunrise ( something that I used to watch almost daily), or to capture other natural moments of meditation that were built into my day at my old house.

While I hope you are one of the many who will joyfully sing carols, shop and wrap gifts and rush hurriedly between work and holiday events in an effort to see everyone, I know that I am not the only one who faces challenging times in this season of light. I have enjoyed many holidays surrounded by loved ones, basking in abundance, and having my idea of a perfect holiday. There also been many years when I dreaded this season due to financial struggle, immediately regifted gifts I received because buying gifts and paying rent were mutually exclusive, and declined invitations to events because I couldn’t afford to bring a gift or a dish to share. While I love family and friends, sometimes the overwhelming joy is simply overwhelming. What to do when the season of joy is peppered with challenges? I mentioned some financial challenges that I faced when I was younger and I know a lot of folks who struggle during the holidays due to loneliness, struggling to maintain sobriety, living with mental health challenges, that are sometimes exacerbated or made worse with the hectic nature of the holidays. Without a plan for self-care, things can become very overwhelming.

Benjamin Franklin said that “failing to plan is planning to fail”. I am always trying to be the best version of myself, I generally think I give good advice and I often advise my clients to make a plan when they want to succeed. I decided to take my own advice and make a plan to help myself remain in a healthy mindset this holiday season. Notice I didn’t say I was making a plan to keep myself happy, or upbeat, or “in the holiday spirit” (which based on what I hear, read and know, isn’t THAT fantastic for many people). The reality is that my mood may dip, moments may be hard. Not only have I lost a home that I love in the past six months, and several family members over the past several years, we also have several close family members who moved away and will not be here for Christmas, as they always have been in the past. I really want to enjoy this holiday season and everything that it offers. In that light I decided to make a plan of things that I can do to give myself the gift of self-care during this holiday season. As I mentioned, things will go well, and things will go awry. Life is going to keep liffing. A lot of things will be different and not in ways I wanted. My commitment to self-care, will determine whether my situation will control my holidays or if my holiday season will bring joy despite being in the middle of a truly hard time.

If you know me at all, you know that gratitude is my go-to solution for most challenges. I make a daily gratitude list. I have recently begun posting those on Facebook again. Writing them on paper has benefits, and I do that too, but I like posting them on Facebook, because it helps me to interact with others. When I don’t post a gratitude list on Facebook, I don’t get on the site. Whether that is good or bad depends on the individual. Facebook is a great way for me to connect with folks I love but don’t see often. I recommend a gratitude list to anyone who is looking for a way to improve their mood. No need to stop with a gratitude list, feel free to spread the gratitude to the folks you encounter in the world. Thanking someone specifically for what they are doing (even if it IS their job…don’t you like it when someone thanks you for a job well done?). That might sound like “thank you so much for the excellent care you gave to our table”, or “I appreciate that you walked me to the isle my item is on”. This practice will likely improve the relationships you have with the folks around you. It has for me. Throughout the day, I pause to notice something that makes me grateful. Perhaps it’s a butterfly on my path, or a comfortable chair. Perhaps a kind person smiled back at me. Studies show that we notice what we focus on. If I am focused on reasons for gratitude, I am going to spend more time noticing them. That may not make sense, let me explain another way. Luisa and I were Minions for Halloween last year (our dogs Pono and Maya were bananas). When we were compiling our costumes, we had a little trouble finding yellow long-sleeved shirts of any kind. We had almost as much trouble finding yellow t-shirts without graphics. Long after Halloween was over and our Minion beanie’s, fake glasses and yellow t-shirts were stored away (we both kept our overalls out to wear), I started and continued to notice yellow tops of all kinds. Long sleeve t-shirts, yellow wind breakers, a yellow sweatshirt. Why? My mind was attuned to yellow tops because I had looked so diligently for so long. Similarly, if I focus my mind on gratitude, I will notice more reasons for gratitude. If I focus on the hard things about losing my home, or the challenges that has led to, I will see more reasons to feel challenged. Focusing on gratitude doesn’t stop the hard things from happening, but does shift my attention to reasons for gratitude and THAT reduces the effects of the challenging things and helps reduce my cortisol (a stress hormone) levels. Gratitude can boost emotional resilience too. I often say that resilience is one of my super powers. With a daily gratitude practice, now I understand why. One article from UCLA Health suggests that the benefits of a gratitude practice can do more than simply improve one’s mood. One can improve cardiovascular health, sleep and overall life satisfaction by starting and maintaining gratitude practice. “Health-Benefits of Gratitude.” UCLA Health, (no author listed), https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/health-benefits-gratitude

Another thing I have been doing more is walking. Time is a precious commodity and I have to find a way to walk for fun and also for physical therapy. I’m not going to say much about my PT walk, because most of you don’t need that information. When I walk in the neighborhood, I love to look at yards and landscaping, trees, and take pictures of unique things I see (like a heron in the middle of the sidewalk about a mile from a nearby lake). I love to hike but that takes a bit more time than I sometimes have. I can take walk on my breaks at work. I am also an entrepreneur, so I have to remind myself to get up and take walks or move my body every couple of hours. Thankfully, my labradorable Pono is always close by to remind me when it’s time for a walk. Mind you I live in San Diego, California where both rain and snow are rare and outdoor activities are generally available year-round. If that’s not the case for you, perhaps an indoor mall would be a good place to walk in inclement weather. Walking isn’t the only activity of course. Most folks can walk, even if slowly. It is a good place to start when beginning an exercise routine. Some people say, set a specific time to work out and stick to it. You know yourself. That doesn’t work for me, because in one of my jobs, I see clients at various hours and am in international meetings that are based in other time zones than where I live. If you can’t set a dedicated time, you may have to be more dedicated to make the time. You are worth the time, so give yourself that gift of self-care.

One of the easiest ways to practice self-care is to ensure that I stay hydrated. Do you carry a re-useable water bottle? I carry a 32 oz bottle with me and try to drink three of those a day with water. When I am crabby, I do a check in. I recall when my last meal was, and when I last had water and when I slept last. I keep a busy schedule because that works for me. It only works for me if I use the tools I have in place and one of those is setting a timer to drink. Actually I use Insight Timer on my phone.(https://www.apposee.com/com.spotlightsix.zentimerlite2?msclkid=126e2e95db5818e1998e47a5117bbae3&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=US-Health%20%26%20Fitness-DA&utm_term=Insight%20Timer&utm_content=) I set a reminder to take a few deep breathes several times throughout the day, and then after my deep breathes I drink some water. I have a goal of a half bottle every two hours. More than that and all my meetings have to be in the bathroom. Why harp on water when talking about self-care? Well, when we drink enough water, we feel better. When we feel better, our mood improves. Also, though our bodies are about 60% water, our brains are more like 73% water. Staying well hydrated helps mental clarity, problem solving, can reduce fatigue and reduce depressive symptoms. Water is truly the lubricant keeps all components of our bodies running well.

Another way I plan to gift myself self-care this season is to follow my normal diet and exercise program. As a person with Multiple Sclerosis, I have a bittersweet relationship with exercise. I love all types of exercise, from hiking to surfing to gym time. Sometimes these things trigger symptoms of MS (surfing rarely does), so I have to do them cautiously and I have to know when to exercise and when to rest. That mindfulness is even more urgent in this busy season. There are also a lot of foods in front of me that aren’t part of my regular diet. Although I have a sweet tooth, I avoid refined sugars much of the time because too much can trigger and autoimmune response. It is easy to get caught up in the holiday festivities and eat more sugar than I mean to or indulge in foods that are richer than I am used to. I don’t drink alcohol, so overindulging with that isn’t an issue, but if you drink, keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant and can add to an already low or depressed mood. Remember that self -care in this area looks like putting things into your  body that will  leaving as good after you eat or drink them as you did, WHILE you ate or drank them.

When I suggest spending some time with friends during the season, you may think that counterintuitive, since I mentioned that many of us feel overwhelmed with so many commitments.  Taking time to pause for a visit with a friend with no agenda except to be together for that time can be incredibly restorative though.  Even a short visit in which there are no expectations attached can lift my mood and leave me ready to face a few more hours, days, or weeks of whatever lays before me. This is separate from seeing folks at parties or gatherings. Catching up at parties may be easy but relaxing at them is often harder, especially if you are hosting. These are also not the obligatory get togethers that the holidays often entail. Take a short break with someone(s) you love or who is supportive of you and your wellbeing to help each other restore during the season. Perhaps you meet in person, or maybe you have a virtual gathering. Either way even a brief break can lift your spirts and push the holiday blues to the background.

It’s good to connect with friends, but as a social introvert, I also very much value time in solitude. I have already blocked some alone time to restore myself. I meditate daily, well almost daily, which with my other practices is quite helpful. If you are someone who struggles with meditation in a formal sense simply take some time each day and think back to a time when you were at peace or happy. That could be a time in nature, or perhaps surrounded by folks you love. Perhaps you will recall a time you cuddled a beloved furry family member. Spend less attention on what happened, and more on the good feelings you recall. Allow as many sensation memories as you can recall. Did your face hurt from smiling? What food could you smell in the air? Perhaps the air was fresh with nature? Was the ground dry and crunchy, or did the soft damp leaves pad your footsteps. You get the idea.  This is a form of mediation that works well for those with “monkey mind” or a mind that doesn’t stop moving easily, like mine. I encourage and sometimes struggle with silent mediation. It often becomes snoring meditation. I find great peace in active meditation (walking quietly, or working in the garden while I connect with Spirit in different levels. Sometimes my solitude is also my walk time, sometimes I listen to an online course or a podcast. Sometimes I sit in silence, sometimes I need t move my body.  My commitment to myself this season is that I will do what is right in the moment without judgement as long as it doesn’t disregard those around me. I encourage you to do what feels most comfortable for you. IF you struggle with quiet body meditation a stressful holiday season is likely not be the time to try to develop this skill. Stick with what comes naturally and develop that. It is human nature to try to figure things out, and many create more stress for themselves trying to meditate “correctly”. The point of meditation is to bring you mind and body into peaceful alignment. While recalling the few deep sea fishing trips I have taken are less relaxing to me, I have a friend who will probably get halfway to Heaven remembering some of his. I have spent a lot of time talking about what happens in the mind during meditation because over the years I have heard SO MANY questions (that I also asked myself at one time) about the mental aspect of meditation. When it comes right down to it the breathwork is where the magic of meditation. It isn’t magic though, it’s scientifically proven.

Deep breathing is the starting point for all meditative practices that I know. As I child I was often encouraged to “take a deep breath and count to ten. Let it go”. The first part helped. I never understood the counting part until I was older. I was quite literal as a child. I’m not sure if I was born that way or of a hefty smack to the head (when a porcelain dentist till fell on my head at five years old-a long story for a different time) triggered that part of how I approached the world then. I took a deep breath, exhaled, (sometimes in a frustrated huff), , counted to ten really fast (then slower as I got some guidance) and waited to feel better. What I didn’t know then, but I mention every time I teach deep breathing now is that taking deep breathes sends a message to our body that whatever emergency or crisis we may have just experienced, it is over now. Don’t believe me? Think back to a time when a young child in your life was crying inconsolably for whatever reason. Perhaps they speak teary words to explain the situation, and cry more. At some point in EVERY case there comes a time when all the tears for the moment are cried, and the child starts to recover. You know that’s happening because…….they take a DEEEEEEP breath. Perhaps the breath is halting, but it’s deep. Deep breathes send a message to the parasympathetic nervous system that the “fight, flight or flee” response can stop responding because the immediate “danger” is no longer present. Why spend so much time and energy describing the benefits of breathing? Well, we all can all do it wherever we are at any time of day, most of us don’t need special equipment to breath, and it starts to bring us back to balance every time we use it. I practice deep breathing throughout the day, even when everything is going well, just to keep myself balanced. There are quite a lot of breathing techniques. I am not going to dive too deep into those here, but if you want to see an article on that, just leave me a message, it’s a topic a love to teach. It would be easy for me to digress, to a full lesson, but for now, let me teach you a beginning breathing technique that I and many use. It is commonly called the 4-4-4 technique. The numbers can change as your practice does. This is a great place to start if you are new to deep breathing.

1. Take a deep breath in through your nose counting slowly to 4 as you do.
2. Hold the breath for 4 seconds
3. Release the breath as you count to 4

As I mentioned as you practice deep breathing more, you may extend the time it takes to inhale and exhale as well as how long you hold the breath.

This holiday season will be different for me for many others as well, I’m sure. I hope you will commit with me to give the first gift to ourselves, the gift of self-care. Whatever you celebrate this season, I hope it brings with it love, joy and self-care.

Peace in all things!

Carla